"Hey, you cut -" he says, and Chris nods, brushing his hand across his short hair.
"The dreds," he says, "they were getting kind of. um."
"Yeah," Justin says, and hides a smile.
They're at a club a few days later and Chris is hitting on a girl at the bar. Justin watches the exchange from a distance: Chris smiles, says something, downs a shot, whispers something else, heads out the dance floor with the girl, grinds against her a bit, and they disappear.
The next morning, Justin sees her leaving the hotel. He doesn't talk to Chris all day.
After a concert, they're in the limo going back to the hotel, and Chris says something to him. His throat seizes up and he doesn't know how to talk or what the fuck's the matter.
"You okay, man?" Joey asks with a grin, and Justin manages a nod.
Chris smirks and nudges him. "Better remember how to breathe by tomorrow, 'cause we couldn't do a concert without you," he says, and Justin freezes again.
"I think he's scared of you," Lance says, and Justin pouts.
He's on the bus alone with JC when he asks randomly if Chris is interested in guys. JC hides a laugh with a cough and looks up from his notebook long enough to say, "Um, I'm not Chris, in case you hadn't noticed."
"I know," Justin says, "but I ain't gonna ask him."
"Why not?" JC asks, and scribbles a few words. "You've asked all the rest of us at some point." He squints. "Or d'you wanna know 'cause you want him?"
Justin barely has enough grace to blush.
"Oh," JC says, leaning back in his chair. "Well. I think he does. 'Cause, like, I think he's brought some guys back sometimes. From clubs. Yeah. He hasn't actually said anything, though."
Justin smiles.
Justin's a little buzzed off lack of sleep and adrenaline and a few shots of rum when he does it. He finds Chris and pulls him aside, near a payphone at the back of a club. "Chris," he says lowly, "I think you're sexy and I want you. Thought you might like to know." He backs off and expects some sort of retaliation, because something so brazen and tactless does not typically go unanswered.
But Chris doesn't say anything, doesn't even move - just stands there and stares at Justin contemplatively. Justin doesn't know how long it goes on; doesn't know how long they've been standing there before he walks away.
JC laughs at him when he leaves the club early, so Justin flips him off because there's nothing better to say or do. He's leaning against the limo waiting for a driver to get there when Chris comes out of the club. Chris pushes him backwards, pressing him against a car window, and kisses him right there on the sidewalk. He doesn't wait for Justin to respond, he just pries apart his lips and puts his tongue in Justin's mouth. Justin loses his breath and can't remember the last time he's been kissed so harshly.
After some time, Chris pulls away and growls, "Get the fuck in the car," but he's grinning, so Justin knows he's not being intentionally malicious. Justin complies.
JC laughs at him again when he comes down to breakfast inconspicuously holding Chris' hand. Joey doesn't get it and Lance just frowns, but they don't ask, even when they catch them kissing backstage after a concert. Joey clues in after Lance tells him they're only using four hotel rooms but booking five, and JC laughs at that, too.
"So they're together," Joey says doubtfully.
"Yes," Lance says.
"And they're. like. fucking or something," he continues.
"Probably," Lance says. "But it's not like I asked."
"Fuck," Joey mutters. "This is totally gonna blow up at us when they break up."
"Or earlier," JC says, and Lance kicks him.
They've been at it a few months when Justin says it. The tour's over and they're drifting between Chris and Justin's houses, because it would look bad if they moved in together. They're at Justin's house and Justin's falling asleep in Chris' arms, because that's how it always happens after they fuck.
"Love you," Justin says, and that doesn't always happen.
Chris sighs against his neck and pulls him closer. "Me too," he says, and nothing more for a long while. Then, "Don't think I'll ever need anything more than you," because he's trite, and Justin finally falls asleep.
In the mornings, when they're staying at hotels for appearances, JC's good-natured and laughing when he tells them to keep quiet when they fuck, because even Chris' screams aren't all that feminine and people will start asking. People never do, though, so they keep on being loud, because it's more fun. And it bothers Lance.
When they've been together for over a half a year, Justin's pretty sure he's completely in love with Chris, so he tells him. Chris grins and says, "me too," and after they fuck, tells Justin he's the only one he'll ever want. Justin smiles and even if it's not "I love you," it's close enough.
It's a few months later that Chris says he doesn't want to do this any more.
"I want to get married and have kids, and I can't do that with you," Chris says.
"We can adopt," Justin says, but he knows it's weak.
"No, Justin," Chris says, and it's around then that they stop talking entirely.
"You broke his god damned heart, Chris," JC tells him, after a week.
"No I didn't," Chris says, and he almost believes it.
"Yeah, man, you did," JC says, but he isn't laughing any more.
Chris doesn't really care, and JC thinks it could become a problem.
Johnny tells them they should record an album, so they pick some lame ballads and a cover or two and some bullshit JC wrote and book some studio time. JC thinks it's all a joke, Joey's too wrapped up in so-called family life to care, Lance is drawing into himself, and Chris and Justin are pointedly not communicating. Justin punches JC when he hands them a song about fucked up relationships and make-up sex masquerading as a song about dancing or something, and JC's pretty sure that's the end.
But Chris decides he wants to be friends with Justin again, after he hooks up with some girl - woman, really - working as a technician in the studio. Lance thinks it's a bad idea, but nothing's blown up in their faces, so no one pushes anything. Justin gives the girl dirty looks when she and Chris neck in the lobby during mixings at the studio, and JC tries to cheer him up by retelling all the cheesy things they say to each other. It doesn't help, but Justin pretends it does.
When the recording's done, they do a few appearances to promote the album. Chris and his girl fuck in hotel rooms, and all Justin can hear are her forced moans. JC notices it, too, when he says that even Chris' screams aren't that feminine, but this time he doesn't think it's funny. At some point, Chris announces they're getting married, and Justin walks out.
"What?" Chris asks, when he finds him leaving the hotel.
"I told you, I quit, now fuck off," Justin says, and he has his suitcase in his hand, because he's not bluffing.
"Why?" Chris asks, sounding a little hurt.
"I can't fucking stand working with you day in, day out, pretending you don't mean shit to me. I especially can't when she's around. So leave me the fuck alone," Justin says, and suddenly Nsync doesn't exist any more.
It's on Mtv the next day, but they all decline to comment, and nobody really cares because the album flops, anyway. Justin's landed in Orlando and seriously considering moving away from Chris. JC calls, but Justin doesn't pick up, and deletes the message instead of listening to it.
Nsync's been done a few months when Justin gets the invitation. He sees Chris' name and her name and leaves the damn piece of paper in the pocket of a jacket he hardly wears. He doesn't remember it until JC calls him in a few weeks to say Chris was disappointed he didn't show. He sees wedding footage on Mtv and cries until his eyes burn and his throat his hoarse. He doesn't eat for a few days, and waits for Chris to call.
But Chris doesn't, ever again.