Lance would smile back, he knows he would.
After a while, though, Lance catches on. He's not stupid. He gets it, because sometimes he thinks that maybe JC is. He doesn't think JC ever learned how to flirt properly, and that's kind of endearing.
Sometimes he wonders what JC would be like if he had a fucking clue. It seems, though, that if JC had a clue, he wouldn't be very much like JC.
JC knows he's doing something wrong, with the way Lance looks at him. It's not like the way JC looks at Lance, when he's got the courage to look at all. It's -- resigned? amused? secretive? JC doesn't like it; he thinks Lance is making fun of him, maybe, though he doesn't know why.
Because it's not like Lance knows.
Though sometimes he entertains a fantasy that Lance does know, that he reciprocates, that he's just, well. Embarrassed. Like JC. And JC's got this declaration stored away, and he knows it's not perfect, because declarations aren't really his style. Maybe because I don't lust from afar, he thinks, because he doesn't.
He's always been pretty upfront. He doesn't know why this is different, why Lance makes him feel small and embarrassed and fragile and maybe just a little special. But not really in a good way -- not in a way that makes his stomach flutter and his heart race and his eyes smile. In a god, I'm really stupid way.
Lance thinks it's really funny, at first. JC probably doesn't think he's being painfully obvious, or if he does, he's probably not aware of how tactless it is.
Lance doesn't imagine JC cares much.
But JC still waits up, waits for Lance to crawl back to the hotel after a night of schmoozing, waits until Lance has collapsed into bed to knock. It happens every night without fail, and sometimes Lance laughs then, if he's not too drunk, or he laughs in the morning. It doesn't matter.
"Jayce, what're you still doin' up?" Lance will ask, when JC sits on the edge of his bed.
"Was waiting for you," JC says.
"You don't have to," Lance says, rolls away from JC. He never really wants to talk, but he does anyway. Because it's JC.
"I wanted to," JC replies.
"Man, it's, like. Four in the morning. You never, ever wanna stay up this late."
It's then that JC starts to get a little defensive, saying, "I did tonight," and Lance knows that means he'll want to stay up late every night Lance goes out.
And Lance is right, because JC does. After a while, it stops being funny, and then it's annoying, and then Lance just stops noticing. He thinks he'd only really care if JC stopped.
JC kind of likes Lance when he's drunk. Not because it means he can take advantage of him, because he can't -- Lance is more aware of everything when he's drunk; JC doesn't get it -- but because Lance is always warm, always smells of scotch, always lets JC curl into him if he wants, always smiles, always laughs. It's not that Lance is more fun when intoxicated, it's that he's easier, more pliant, friendlier.
JC likes that.
Lance never gets drunk when they're out together. Lance never even really drinks when he's with JC. JC can't deny being a little disappointed.
Sometimes he lets himself believe that because of Lance's heightened awareness, Lance's drunken behavior is actually truer to himself than his sober behavior. And it's a nice sort of fantasy, because then JC can pretend this is how Lance would be if JC could come to terms and just admit it. Hey Lance, I think I'm in love with you.
Lance never gets hungover, though. And in the mornings after, JC's always convinced that if he ever told Lance, he'd just laugh. Not maliciously, but just because JC's not even sure, doesn't even know if he's in love, and then Lance would pat him on the shoulder and whisper, "tell me when you know," and then JC would never end up telling him, because he already knows, he just can't say it.
Though he doesn't know what he's waiting for.
Lance blushes furiously when it happens, even though no one's there to see it, thinks it's so like JC, because it is. He can't think of anyone else who would send him flowers -- flowers? -- on the one day he wouldn't see him, because they weren't in the studio. Lance thinks it's a little stupid, because he's not some girl for JC to impress, not really someone who needs vases of purple lilies and baby's breath around the house.
Lance isn't really a flowers kind of guy. He's not sure he knows any guys who are.
But he imagines JC is, or he wouldn't have taken the time to do it, and that's what makes Lance blush, because JC's a fucking dork. JC likes flowers. This is JC's way of flirting.
Lance wants to call him and say, "you're an idiot, Chasez," but he doesn't. He doesn't think JC would appreciate that. So he sticks the flowers in a vase his mom gave him last Christmas and he never uses, puts it on the kitchen counter, and doesn't look at it for the rest of the day.
JC doesn't mention it when he sees him, but when Lance thanks him, he nods and blushes, and Lance vaguely regrets not calling.
JC feels dumb and inexperienced after that, even though he's older than Lance, and knows what he's doing. Or thinks he does. He knows Lance is probably making comments about him to Justin or Joey or Chris or whoever, because he doesn't want to tell JC to his face to stop, because the whole crush thing is kind of creepy.
They're best friends. Of course he doesn't want to tell JC.
And JC's really embarrassed about it, thinks he's crossed the line this time. He thinks Lance is going to say, "y'know, man, we're friends and all, but could you. you know, lay the hell off?" and then JC's going to have to, because he doesn't want Lance pissed or uncomfortable or thinking that JC's hopeless and not at all the kind of thing Lance would want.
It occurs to him that he wouldn't have any idea what Lance wants, anyway.
And what Lance wants is for JC to say something, so he'll stop, because he's beginning to feel like if it goes on any further, JC's going to have Joey come up to him and say, "hey, man. My friend, JC -- you know him? -- He likes you, and he wants to know if you like him back," and that's just not something Lance really wants to deal with.
So before it can get to that point, Lance slides in next to JC as he contemplates his salad for lunch at the studio, running his palm down the inside of JC's bare forearm.
"Hey, you," he says.
"Um." JC looks at him sharply. "Hi."
Lance slips his palm against JC's, and he can feel JC's fingers reflexively tightening around his. "You got somethin' to tell me?" he asks, tugging his hand away.
"About what?"
Lance shrugs, smiles slowly. "Mm. Us, you. Whatever."
JC's blushing again, and Lance is sure he's not going to say anything, which is almost as loud as saying everything. But then JC slips, turns away from him a little, and starts.
"Like, okay. Um. Look, I'm really sorry. It's just. You know, like. We've been friends for a while, right, so I was thinking, like, hey, I really like Lance."
Lance bites his lip, stopping a laugh.
"Like, not in a friends way, right?" JC says. "But in, like, an I wanna do something nice for him and stuff kinda way, and like. um."
"Okay, okay," Lance says, interrupting.
"'Cause, y'know. I think you're, like. um. Great, and all."
"Jayce," Lance says, "I get it."
"But, like, you were kinda figuring it out and laughing at me and stuff and so I didn't really wanna say anything --"
"C --"
"And first it was, like, this convenience thing, 'cause we're friends and all and it's pretty easy and stuff."
"Okay, Jayce, um," Lance says, and he's becoming sorry he asked.
"But now it's, like. uh. different and stuff, so, like. Sorry, I --"
"JC, shut up," Lance says, then, because he wasn't looking for a speech or any kind of heartfelt admission. Just -- something. Something, like leaning over and threading his fingers through JC's, and kissing him, so JC's head tilts up, his eyes close, his tongue slick against Lance's.
Lance isn't much about lengthy declarations of love, but apparently JC is, so when JC pulls away, eyes downcast, Lance doesn't stop him.
"But, yeah. Sorry, 'cause, uh. I'm, like, in love with you," JC says.
And Lance smiles, says, "Nah, 's okay," and it is. Because it could be worse, like if Lance hadn't been in love with JC, too.