When they hit it big, Chris' smile didn't change, not really - though it got whiter and less metallic, of course - and Justin thought it may be the one thing that kept him grounded. It was fake smile one after the other, until Justin wanted to break someone's face in, and he wasn't okay until Chris grinned at him and told him whatever they were doing wouldn't be much longer.
It was a lie, because it always went on forever, it seemed, but Justin would believe it if accompanied by that smile. He would have believed anything, really, for Chris, even though he knew that Chris always lied when he smiled. It didn't take long for him to learn that.
Justin wasn't really aware of when his fixation on Chris' smile and lips and mouth transformed into an all-out fixation on Chris. It didn't mean he wasn't aware of it at all, of course, because he was. It was fun, he thought, to flirt with Chris, just so he could see that smile. He thought, too, that Chris got it, but never did anything about it. He was okay with that, really.
So he was a little surprised when Chris kissed him the first time, even though he knew that Chris did it to all the rest of them, sometimes. Sometimes, like when he was drunk, like when he was bored, like when they were playing around, like when it just felt right, like just out of left field, like then. Justin kissed him back, though, because it was just what you did with Chris.
Chris broke away when Justin kissed him, and blushed an interesting shade of pink. "Nah, 's okay," he said, and smiled, so Justin didn't ask what any of it was about.
It happened a little more often, after that, the random kissing. Justin learned that he didn't merely enjoy the look of Chris' mouth, he also rather enjoyed its feel and taste, but he didn't let it mean much. It wasn't like he really wanted Chris or anything. Chris had pretty lips and hell, he was hot, and he was one of Justin's best friends, but Justin wasn't in love with him, per se. It was just flirting because it was fun.
Eventually, though, it wasn't just flirting for the sake of it - eventually, Justin couldn't resist Chris, even though he knew it was never Chris' intention. The smile became more than just friendly, and those days, it was coy and intense and sexy and Justin wanted to have something to do with it, more than just sucking on it every so often. He wanted that smile, that mouth, those lips, for himself alone. He knew it wasn't going to happen, but he could dream, so he did.
At some point, it started to get to him when he saw Chris' mouth on JC's or Lance's or sometimes even Joey's, be it backstage or in the car or at rehearsal or just hanging out. He started to feel maybe a bit sad - just a little, at first, when his heart twinged when Chris kissed them, his stomach felt sort of upset, he wouldn't talk to any of them for extended periods, and maybe his throat seized up at random points. It was nothing big, but he noticed when he was beginning to feel out, and he was sure they'd all start noticing, too.
They didn't, though, or if they did, they didn't say anything, but maybe Chris kissed him a little more gently and more frequently. Justin thought it might help, if he could pretend Chris wasn't doing it to the rest of them, but he couldn't. So he asked Chris to stop doing it to him, even though he really didn't want Chris to stop, but he didn't explain and Chris didn't care.
"Yeah, sure," Chris said, and he smiled. "It was just for fun, you know?"
"Yeah," Justin replied, and his voice was weak.
"It wasn't supposed to make you uncomfortable." Chris was still smiling. "Don't worry, it's no loss to me. It's not like it meant anything."
Justin smiled back, but that was weak, too. "I know," he said, and it was because of Chris' fucking smile that he knew it meant nothing, because he would believe anything for that, even when he knew it was a lie.
And the next time, when he saw Chris with Lance, tears pricked his eyes and he couldn't remember how his lungs worked, but he couldn't look away. When they broke apart, Chris brushed past Justin and grinned, but that smile wasn't like the others. That smile didn't touch his eyes, Justin noticed, and it wasn't happy, either, he thought.
Justin hoped it had something to do with him, but he doubted it.
After a while, Justin found Chris with the others less and less, and he found himself crying more and more. Lance asked him about it one morning, and he just managed to choke out Chris' name before he started crying again. Lance sighed and wrapped his arms around Justin, but he wasn't very comforted.
One day, Chris said, "I'm sorry, I didn't know," over breakfast. Justin couldn't bring himself to look at Chris, in case he was smiling; in case he was lying. Not even when he felt Chris' lips brush his earlobe.
"I thought you said you'd stop," Justin said dejectedly.
"Yeah," Chris said, voice breathy by Justin's ear. It didn't sound like he was smiling, but Justin didn't even know any more. "If that's what you want."
"It is," Justin said.
He hated it when Chris smiled.